I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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