My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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