You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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