No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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