My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
