If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
