I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
