Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
