i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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