i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dear god my vagina.
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