well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
