They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
