I am puke
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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