mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
