can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
