I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
