Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
