I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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