Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
