I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
