1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
