We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
