So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
