VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
