He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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