hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
