i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
