1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
