wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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