I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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