whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
