just come out here and I will go home with you...
...so i touched it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
