we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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