Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
