And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
