I love black thongs
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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