i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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