Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
