I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So much rum. So many feels.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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