butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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