The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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