What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
