Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fuck appropriateness.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
