There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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