we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
