I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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