The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
