the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
