You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
