i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
