is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
