FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
