the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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