She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We are all done wearing pants today
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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